One week from the first email/request for help, I had received an immediate, miraculous response and an outpouring of God's provision. Here's what I learned/experienced with each source of help over the next few months.
Christian counselor--spiritual and emotional healing
Carol was wonderful. I believe in her philosophy and her method of
counseling. I began seeing her once a week in October and then stretched to every-other and then ended right before Christmas. She likes to bring people to a healthy place, where they don't have to come every week. I really like and agree with this.
We both sought the Lord to look for answers, which resinated strongly with me. Carol confidently would remind me, "We don't have to figure this all out. We need ask God to reveal it to us." And he did...every single time we asked for wisdom, clarity or an answer to a pending question.
Sometimes I felt guilty paying someone to listen to me. Afterall, I have supportive, kind friends who would listen. But there is something very valuable about talking to a professional and it made me committed to doing "my assignments" during the week--usually exploring specific questions by praying, reading the Word and seeking the Lord for answers and revelation. I mean, if I was paying for this, I wanted to get my money's worth and not squander my time with her.
The Lord revealed some things in my heart that I didn't know were there. There were also many, many "ah-ha" moments for me. It's like I'd understood certain pieces of my person, of my life, but going to counseling helped me put those pieces together to see and understand whole puzzle/picture.
There was great revelation and healing in my heart and mind. I don't need to go into the details here. This was really between me and Lord. And quite frankly that was a wonderful revelation to me, too: "That's it okay that sometime things are just between me and my Jesus. That he is the only person in the whole universe who gets me completely because he created me to be the way I am. I found a new, deeper intimacy with him; a new delight in the fact that he completely understands me; and a new confidence in who God created me to be.
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Christian
psychologist--mental healing
First of all, I learned the difference between a psychologist and a psychiarist. Although, I pretty much used the words interchangeable for a few weeks...
A psychologist "evaluates, diagnoses, treats, and studies behavior and mental processes." Basically they use lots of different methods to help treat mental disorders, but they cannot prescribe medication.
A psychiatrist "specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of mental disorders.
Psychiatrists are medical doctors who must evaluate patients to
determine whether or not their symptoms are the result of a medical
illness, a combination of medical and mental, or a strictly mental one."So they are medical doctors and prescribe medication. They are all about the "science" of the brain. No touchy-feely counseling here. It's all about symptoms, brain chemistry, health.
My psychologist was recommended by the counselor and also by a close
family friend whom he has helped with depression. He was a kind man. I was able to describe my symptoms pretty specifically which helped him quickly identify the problem.
I had been taking
Zoloft for depression, which helps boost serotonin (brain chemical for
well being/compulsions/anxiety), but does nothing for the chemicals
norepinephrine (attention/motivation/pleasure) and dopamine
(alertness/energy). No energy and no motivation were two very key symptoms of mine. Those two elements were being supressed so he prescribed Wellbutrin,
which boosts these two chemicals. I also continued to take Zoloft.
Since I had post-partum depression and depression runs in my family, he believed that I will most likely always need to be
medicated for this. However, I try not to focus on the "forever" part for now. God is in control and knows the end game. But what I knew was that for now and for the forseeable future I needed medication.
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Christian chiropractor--physical healing
Many friends have had great success with this particular chiropractor who uses applied kinesiology. One of them actually drove me to the appointment. Applied Kinesiology is considered "alternative medicine." Read more about it here.
Dr. Ruby has helped a number of friends with
chronic fatigue, hormone issues, etc. This is a more "organic/natural" method of
balancing things in your body that are out of whack.
Basically he tells you when something in your body is off.
In my case, he discovered that I have an issue with
yeast--specifically candida. He used the analogy of grass and weeds.
Basically, all my good grass (yeast) was killed off in my intestines, then
only weeds (bad yeast) grew back and took over, not allowing any good grass to return.
The candida was probably part of what was causing my extreme fatigue.
The candida was probably part of what was causing my extreme fatigue.
Candida can result from taking antibiotics, but
can also be caused by pregnancy and other reasons. It is probably why I was prone
to urinary tract infections and why I got my kidney infection in January. Then the
strong antibiotics exasperated the problem.
The solution was a strict diet with no dairy,
yeast and sugar (among many other things). Certain foods feed that bad yeast, so you basically have to starve it to kill it off. I also took
supplements to grow back the good yeast. For about 8 weeks, I had an incredibly rescrictive diet. We are talking no soy, vinegar, dairy, sugar, honey, nuts, seeds, mustard, all oils (except olive oil), fruit (I could only have strawberries and granny smith apples), potatoes, mayo, dressing...the list goes on and one. I mean talk about a hard life---I was depressed and couldn't eat ice cream!
But I did it, surviving mostly on homemade guacamole, a specific natural chip, strawberries, butter noodles and Wild Oats sourdough bread. I lost about 10 pounds, which of course returned once i could eat regularlly. Shoot!
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As I walked down the treatment paths, doing the work and making the sacrifices I needed to make, I held on to this scripture.
Lord, help me not to fear,
for you are with me,
I need not be dismayed,
for you are my God.
You will strengthen me and
help me: You will uphold me
with your righteous
right hand. Isaiah 41:10
In the back of my mind, I questioned: Will this all work? How will I know what is working and what isn't? But God quickly reminded me about how he miraculously provided each treatment option. I knew I needed to "stay the course."
My Psalm 71 Journey is a blog series that journals my struggle with depression. By honestly sharing my story, I will describe the highs and lows, the encouragement, my treatment decisions and how God has met my needs--bringing His glory to my unglorious situation of depression.
Janna,
I'm so grateful to the Lord for seeing you through and being your shelter and strong tower during a difficult journey. It's amazing to see the body of Christ rally around us during our darkest days. Their love, care and concern makes all the difference. I'm so glad you have such a great support system to see you through. You are a strong, woman and I'm always amazed at your perseverance and ability to press through even when it's hard.
I'm proud of you for seeking out solutions that you needed... And God was faithful to meet you where you were. Love you, friend. Paula
Posted by: Paula R. | July 07, 2013 at 06:44 AM