I have good friends. I mean, I am blessed with AMAZING friends. During my Psalm 71 season, they were the hands and feet of the Body of Christ. They encouraged and served me in the practical ways that I needed.
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11
But the even more incredible thing is that God brought some new friends
into my life during this time. Well, to tell the truth, I knew who these women were and we would "say hello." But God brought these three women, in particular, to go deep with me.
Kelly, Leslie and Earen have all suffered from clinical depression. And there was something extremely hopeful and comforting in confiding in someone who has also had depression. Describing depression is extremely difficult. But when I talked to them, I didn't have to explain. They just "got it" because they'd been right were I was--in the fog.
The night after I send that first email asking for help, the Lord moved in my heart and said, "You need to have Leslie pray for you." Ok....ay. Leslie and I saw each other at mom's groups at church. I remember first meeting her when she sat in the row in front of me at church. I remember thinking, "I really like her. I need to get to know her better." But we weren't "bare-your -soul" kind of friends.
I remembered she once shared that she had suffered from depression, but it wasn't like we ever had a deep talk about it. But I couldn't get rid of the proding to contact her. I sent her an email briefly explaining and asking if she would come and pray with me. The next morning we sat on lawn chairs in the backyard. I wept and she prayed. She read scripture to me. She loved me. She shared her story. She gave me hope. Leslie is also the one who helped put me in touch with the counselor.
Kelly's daughter and my Anne are good friends. One day after seeing me at church, she called me out of the blue and straight up asked me, "Are you okay? I can see in your face that you aren't yourself these days." The flood gates broke, once again. I sobbed and told her. I never knew, but Kelly (now healed) suffered depression for YEARS. She was the one when I had a really down day, would call me and when I wouldn't answer, she would text, "pick up the phone or I am going to keep calling." At times, I needed this. There were moments when I needed someone who had "gone before" to show me the way. Once again, God was bringing me hope and comfort from His children.
Earen and I are in Bible study together. She gently asked me one day how things were going. I couldn't hide it. Tears pooling in my eyes. I'm a terrible liar and wear my emotions on my sleeves. If you politely ask me "how are you today?" I do a horrible job faking it and cheerfully saying, "great!" Earen also shared her story with depression with me, giving me the compassion and understanding that a dear sister would.
Now, please let me say that I there were many, many other friends and family members who helped me during this time. I simply can't name them all. So many pitched in. The reason I share about these three women is because I want to encourage others to be vulnerable enough to reach out when God brings people calling.
If you are suffering from depression and you know someone who has also been on a similar journey, it's okay to give them a call. It's okay to reach out. I could have easily been embarrassed and tried to avoid them, avoid their questions. But I remember what he told me from the start: "Ask for help and do with no feeling or guilt or obligation that you have to repay the help others give you."
I would have missed out on the huge
impact they had on my recovery. I would have missed out on their stories,
their wisdom, their prayers, their texted scriptures, their resources, their love. I wouldn't have the deep-rooted friendships that I have with them today. They didn't tell me to "snap out of it" or "just go for a walk and exercise more." They recognized the pain (remembering their
own) and they didn't dismiss it or give well-meaning advice that leaves
you feeling like a loser. They didn't act like they had the answers,
but they had the hope that I needed.
And if there is someone that keeps coming to your mind one day, there is probably a reason. Say a prayer. Make a call. If you have been depressed you can see the signs in others. The loneliness and quiet pain in their eyes, skirting on the fringe of the crowd. Smile and step out to encourage them, just as you were hopefully encouraged during your difficult time. Pay it forward, people.
If you've never experienced depression, it doesn't mean that you can't be an incredible friend to someone who does. You just might not be able to completely empathize and understand it to the level of someone who has experienced it. That said, there is something extremely comforting when someone admits, "You know, I don't know exactly how you are feeling, but I want you to know that I love you and I my heart is hurting for you and I'm praying for you." When you don't have the answers, heavens-to-Betsy, don't talk like you do--especially to someone in a tender state.
My mom was someone who admitted that she didn't completely understand. Over the phone one day, I could sense her worry and distress. Being thousands of miles away in California only added to her feeling like she couldn't help. She said, "I don't really understand how depression feels, how you can't get motivated, but I want to understand. I want to be there for you." This was just as encouraging to me as friends like Leslie, Kelly and Earen. Mom talked to some friends whom she knew had depression to better understand how it feels. She called me daily or just texted to say that she was praying, that she loved me, that it was going to be okay.
You can be this type of support and friend to another. Don't invade your way in. Tread lightly. Ask what you could do the help. Listen. Use discernment and prayer. God will show you how you can help and give you the words that will bring life.
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My Psalm 71 Journey is a blog series that journals my struggle with depression. By honestly sharing my story, I will describe the highs and lows, the encouragement, my treatment decisions and how God has met my needs--bringing His glory to my unglorious situation of depression.
I sure wish I had friends like yours.
I am so alone here.
Posted by: k | August 06, 2013 at 04:13 PM