First, I want to say "thank you" to all of you who commented and emailed me during this blog series. Your care, words and prayers were so appreciated and comforting. Thank you for sharing your stories and struggles. It feels so good to know we aren't along, doesn't it?
I'm going to link 10 posts here--convienient if you ever feel the need to read through it from beginning to end, or maybe share it with someone else who needs it.
Just click on each picture, starting with the darkest one.
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It's taken some time for the me to complete the final chapter of my Psalm 31 Journey blog series. Not sure why....other than the fact that I've been reflecting on what to share. Here goes.
It's been a little more than a year since I fell head deep into the pit. I feel so thankful to be at a completely different place now. In the last few months I feel like God has brought me full circle. I knew that God told me to not worry about "paying people back" and to just "receive." Yet, I was filled with joy when I recently realized that I had been able to serve those who had served me so much during such a difficult time. I was able to give back to them through childcare, time, meals. Not because I felt like I had to. In fact, at the specific moments of need, I didn't even connect the two situations. I did it because I was "full" again. I had the energy and joy and love to give away once again. The Lord healed me and brought me full circle to fill up others in their time of need.
And I am so, so thankful for that fact. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for seeing me through the fog. Indeed, "My lips will shout for you when I sing praise to you, I whom you have delivered.."
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Last December, slightly before Christmas....the Lord gave me a message. There have been times in my life when I feel like the Lord has very specifically spoken to me. Usually at these times, he not only tells me, but confirms it two of three other times....through a song, a sermon message, a friend. And that's what he did last Christmastime.
His message: "I delight in you."
A woman at church stopped me out the blue to tell me that God told her to tell me, "God wants you to know he DELIGHTS in you."
A few hours later, I got a text from another friend reminding me that "God is delighted with you, Janna."
Okay...I'm seeing a pattern. Then, it was confirmed in His Word.
"He delights in me." Psalm 18:19
"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every details of their lives.” Psalm 37:23
"The LORD your God is with you, 'he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
Over the next few days and weeks. The message kept rolling around in my head. It was like a soothing balm on my journey to healing.
He delights in me. It made me feel a little giddy inside, kind of like the feeling you get when you find out a boy likes you.
He delights in me--the one he created. He completely understand me--and delights in it. He smiles at me. Not because of what I accomplished during the day. But just because I am me. He doesn't care if I haven't showered, if I didn't work out, if I let my kids watch 4 episodes of Shaun the Sheep. He simply delights in me.
It also brought a sense of peace--that HE sees me, and HE understands my heart. He knows what I pray and ponder. He knows my motives and secret thoughts (both beautiful and ugly). Even when my husband or dearest friends don't quite "get it," HE does--and he delights in me.
Maybe someone needs to hear that today. So LISTEN UP! The Lord DELIGHTS in you. Read that again--out loud: The Lord delights in ME. Absorb the truth of those words. Whisper it throughout the day. And feel the security, peace and joy that it brings.
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Things got rolling pretty good. Heading into December, I was feeling quite "fully" myself. I decided to go off the restrictive candida diet. After all, Christmas goodies were on the way...
The week of Christmas, I remember thinking, "I am SO thankful that I feel myself this season. That I can fully enjoy the season."
We returned from a 10-day holiday in the Rockies at my in-laws home. It had been a joyous and wonderful time--meeting my now sister-in-law Cath was the highlight. But as I settled into life's routine and the Christmas decorations were packed and put down in the basement, the fog began to roll in.
Hadn't we kicked this Lord? Hadn't we come so far and figured out the "solution?" Fear gripped my heart. Stories of some of my friends flashed through my mind--the ones where they described how it took years and years to find the correct medication. Was it going to be like that for me? Would medication work for a few months and then plateau, leaving me in the fog once again.
But maybe was just the after-Christmas blues. The letdown. I'll wait a week and see what happens before calling my psychiatrist and messing with meds.
But then a day hit that I just could not endure alone. I called Kelly and began to cry. "It's back. I'm feeling it all over again."
Thank God for friends who have "been there." She calming began running through different things that had changed in the last month. Triggers.
Lack of sleep?
I'd been going to bed late, not sleeping great (since I wasn't at home). It was that kind of interrupted sleep where children wander into the room the middle of the night and you go back to sleep, but the interruption of sleep builds into exhaustion over several nights.
CHECK!
Changes in diet?
Um, hello! It was Christmas right? The kitchen counter top had boxes and cans and bags of sugar-rush treats and my hands kept grabbing for more. Lack of self-control after weeks of depriving myself on the Candita diet.
CHECK!
Exercise?
Negative. It was lazy holiday.
CHECK!
Kelly described how key things like sugar, diet and sleep can affect depression in big ways.
I was relieved. Maybe it was just those daily-life habits that were out of balance.
I was bummed. SHOOT! It's never just as simple as taking a pill! There would have to be some discipline and effort and self-control required of me for long-term health.
So I jumped on the treadmill, went on sugar-detox and drank a ton of water. Within two days I was feeling myself again. Thank you Lord, for wise friends.
So now, when I have a couple of low days in row, I go through these questions. These days, it's typically exercise. I find if I go four days or more without running, the fog begins to creep in. A quick jump on the treadmill and the endorphin rush seems to keep the fog at bay. Looking back--from my teen years on--I think running is what kept "depression symptoms" hidden. I was a cross-country runner and ran a marathon in college. I think running is probably what kept me balanced for a long time.
"Dark days" are especially hard at that time of the month, ahem. But this true for many women. Sometimes when I am down, a quick panic rushes through me. Am I sinking again? That fear. A disbelief of sorts--that God would somehow turn things back. Spiritual amnesia of what God has done.
But then I recall something my psychiatrist had said, "Our lives will never be perfect. There will still be hard days. The point is that those days are few and far between. And that there are more good days than bad."
Everyone has "down" days. It's the nature of life--being human and experiencing the ebb and flow of life--it's ups and downs. It's life outside the Garden--where all of life was in perfect harmony with God. Like so many other things in life, depression is one of those awful things that we have here on earth because of sin, the fall of man.
Let me be clear, I'm not saying I have depression because of something I did or didn't do. I'm saying that the hardships and pain and death we see and experience here on earth are because of that first original sin in the Garden. This act that separated us from God. Because of sin, we live in a broken world, in broken bodies. There was no depression in the Garden or in Heaven, because the presence of God brings perfect health and joy. The way we were created to be with him, originally.
That's why we have Jesus--our savior--literally saving us from the death of sin because he paid the price of our guilt on the cross. I am so thankful that because of Jesus, I will one day be "whole"as he created me to be. God's provision of family, friends, medical professionals, medication have provided a band-aid of sorts here on earth. A means to help me continue living His plan and purpose for me. But one day....there will be no medication, no sweating on the treadmill, no longer striving and fighting against sin's collective pull on my human life. Why?
I'll be Heaven, sitting on the cool grass next to Jesus. I'll be working on a crafty hand work (knitting, embroidery, maybe). Conversation will be easy and enjoyable. No fretting over life's struggles, what to do, give me your advice, Jesus. It will be a perfect, joy-filled moment full of life and laughter. And we will remember this particular season of my life, but not in a sad way.
Then, Jesus will show me. Like a old home movie, we will watch the "bigger picture" of my life. All the small moments put together in a continuous story--the hard moments and the joys.
And I will understand.
He will say, "And that is why. Do you understand now, Janna? Why I allowed you to experience depression? Look at the beautiful result. I am so glad you stuck with me. I was there with you all along the way, making sure you never fell completely into darkness. We made it through together and I'm so proud of you for continuing to seek me even at your lowest point. You didn't become bitter or blame me. You knew I was the solution and you kept on walking, even in pain. And now look at the result. Look how I made beauty from your ashes. What Satan meant for death and destruction, I used for good."
From Isaiah 63: 1-3
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn...
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
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I'm literally crying as I type right now. The last four paragraphs of this post have flowed from my fingertips to the keys without thought or creative construction. It's as if God has spoken to me through sharing this with all of you. This was evidently part of journey as well--healing through sharing with others.
I'm not sure what "good" will come from this season of my life--what result, how it may cause me to be more effective in His purpose for me. But I know it will. I cling to that promise. And I know one day I will understand.
For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12
Love this version from The Message:
We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
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Music and scripture did a lot to help me through the fog. In those darkest hours, I couldn't find the words to pray. Sometimes, I would simply whisper, "Jesus," trusting that his name would reach the ears of God and petition on my behalf.
There were several scriptures that I also spoke as prayers...reading and rereading, claiming His promises to me. And music has always been mood-altering for me. I labeled playlists on my iPod: Dark Days, God Loves Me.
So today I thought I'd share some of those verses and songs. Maybe you need to claim them as your own. Maybe you need to write one in a card to a friend. Maybe sit in a quiet space and breathe the lyrics of a song. Or maybe you do the 40th load of laundry and need to just make it through the day. So here goes.
SCRIPTURES:
Lord God, your glorious word exhorts me to return to my fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now you announce that you will restore twice as much to me. Zechariah. 9:12
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But TAKE HEART! I have overcome the world." John 13:33
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Isaiah 55:12
Lord, I cry out to you, my spirit grows faint within me, my heart within me is dismayed. Psalm 143: 4
Lord, help me not to fear, for you are with me, I need not be dismayed, for you are my God. You will strengthen me and help me: You will uphold me with your righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
You, O Lord, are like the light of the morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings grass from the earth. 2 Samuel 23:4
Lord, the night is nearly over; the day is almost here. Help me to put aside deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light. Romans 13:12
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Psalm 51:12
But you, Lord are a shield around me, my glory the one who lifts my head high. Psalm 3:3
SONGS
Cry Out to Jesus - Third Day
I Lift My Hands- Chris Tomlin
I've Found a Love - Tabitha Summers
The Light in Me - Brandon Heath
Healing is in Your Hands - Christy Nockels
How He Loves - David Crowder Band
Times - Tenth Avenue North
Better Than a Hallelujah - Amy Grant
Praise You in This Storm - Casting Crowns
My Deliverer - Chris Tomlin
I Still Believe - Jeremy Camp
Rise - Shawn McDonald
Hold My Heart - Tenth Avenue North
Might to Save - Jeremy Camp
Your Name - New Life Worship
Grace Flows Down - Christy Nockels
Come Thou Expected Jesus - Chris Tomlin, feat. Christy Nockels
10,000 Reasons - Matt Redman
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I have good friends. I mean, I am blessed with AMAZING friends. During my Psalm 71 season, they were the hands and feet of the Body of Christ. They encouraged and served me in the practical ways that I needed.
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My Psalm 71 Journey is a blog series that journals my struggle with depression. By honestly sharing my story, I will describe the highs and lows, the encouragement, my treatment decisions and how God has met my needs--bringing His glory to my unglorious situation of depression.
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Just one week after beginning my perscription medications, I began to see improvement. Technically, it can take up to 6 weeks for these types of drugs to be "fully" in your system and to see results. I wasn't see dramatic-I'm-back-to-myself results yet, but there was a "brightening." The fog was beginning to lift.
I wrote this in an email on Sept. 20:
I was greatly encouraged by these two verses this morning. I know that my "day" is still a ways a way, but for the first time this week, I feel like I can see the light peaking over the faraway hill. I feel my true self beginning to emerge again. I can see in Matt's face that he sees moments of it, too.
"You, O Lord, are like the light of the morning at sunrise on a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings grass from the earth." 2 Sam. 23:4
"Lord, the night is nearly over the day is almost here. Help me to put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light." Rom. 13:12
The Lord has sent help through a mother's helper who will be coming to help me each week. She is an amazing girl who has a heart to serve and love on my kids. I feel so blessed. The Lord had strongly told me, "Accept the help that is offered." And so I am accepting this gift with open arms.
The candida diet is going well. It's not as hard I thought it would be. I've actually had an amazing amount of energy (in comparison) the last two days. Motivation is returning also. Although they say it can take up to 4 weeks to feel the effects of anti-depressants, my body has always been sensitive to drugs and I think this is a good sign that it is working.
One week ago, today, I woke up in darkness. Today, the light is dawning. It amazes me how God has provided so much help and resources in just one week! Counseling appt, physiatrist appt, midwife appt, kinesiology appt, new diet, mother's helper....
Thank you for praying. Your prayers (and mine) have been heard and the Lord is giving generously to me.
Ten days after taking the meds, Matt and I were sitting on the couch watching something on TV. All of sudden I gently laughed about something on the program. Matt looked over me and smiled and said, "There you are."
I was returning. I knew things were going to be better. I knew the treatment I was taking was working. A sense of relief and hope.
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My Psalm 71 Journey is a blog series that journals my struggle with depression. By honestly sharing my story, I will describe the highs and lows, the encouragement, my treatment decisions and how God has met my needs--bringing His glory to my unglorious situation of depression
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One week from the first email/request for help, I had received an immediate, miraculous response and an outpouring of God's provision. Here's what I learned/experienced with each source of help over the next few months.
Christian counselor--spiritual and emotional healing
Lord, help me not to fear,
for you are with me,
I need not be dismayed,
for you are my God.
You will strengthen me and
help me: You will uphold me
with your righteous
right hand. Isaiah 41:10
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So I sent the email out on Sept. 6...a Thursday afternoon. And then waited. But not for long. Where does my help come from? (Psalm 121) My help came from the Lord. The Body of Christ--his believers, those who love him--immediately flooded me with help and care in the most practical ways. I cannot even give the names of all those who came to my aid and in all the ways, but Im gonna hit some highlights to show you how God delivered!
I headed into the weekend. I had made calls to all the recommended counselors and psychiatrists, but I knew wouldn't hear back till Monday at least. So I was in the "waiting period." I was also overwhelmed with different options: natural (kinesiologist), emotional (counselor), mental (psychiatrist), physical/blood/hormones (midwife). How would I know which treatment path to choose? And if I chose more than one, how would I know which was working or not working? So I just prayed, "Lord just open the right doors for me to walk through."
Upon calling several psychiatrists, I discovered that none were taking new patients and there was some sort of "freeze" in the field of psychiatry in Denver. I was disheartened.
The Christian counselor got back to me on Monday, but didn't have an opening until 4 weeks out--so I made the appointment.
A family friend recommended a Christian psychiatrist and told me to tell him that she referred me. I left a message and waited for a call back.
Tuesday morning I went to Bible study. My friend Leslie (whom had given me the counselor recommendation) said, "Call the counselor and get put on the cancellation list. If she has a cancellation and calls you,I can watch your kids, even if it's on short notice." While we sat in Bible study, she texted the counselor.
Two hours later while standing in the grocery store, the counselor called with a cancellation. An hour later, I was sitting in her office! Then, I discovered that she also recommended the same Christian psychiatrist whom I was waiting to hear back from. (Another confirmation, I felt, that I should pursue this doctor.)
Driving home from the counseling appointment, the psychiatry office called said they could see me at 10 am the next morning. (Even without the "freeze" on, I knew getting an appointment next day to see a psychiatrist was miraculous.)
Leslie said she would watch the kids in the morning again so I could make the appointment (about 30 mins away).
When I got home I called the HR/benefits coordinator for my husband's work. I wanted to find out if benefits and services would be covered? She was completely compassionate and understanding and took an immediate personal interest in me. Then she said, "This is my cell and I didn't know whose number this was so I almost didn't answer, I'm so glad that I did. God knew that I needed to talk to you."
She knows our family and she offered to watch the kids if I ever needed someone--even just for a few minutes--because I needed to get to appointments. Her specific words were, "If you need someone to watch them, even for 20 minutes, until someone else can come to watch them longer, call me."
A half-hour later, the psychiatrist called and said that he would have to cancel our appointment at 10, but could I meed him at his office at 8 a.m.? I knew Leslie couldn't watch them until 8:30 am. I took the earlier appointment, hung up and called the HR coordinator back and took her up on her offer to watch the kids for 30 minutes until Leslie could arrive.
At this point, I'm seeing the pattern. God was specifically meeting my need for help down the to the minutes that I needed childcare. No sooner would I put down the phone and a call would come in--the next door would open and I knew I should walk through.
Wednesday morning, I went to the psychiatry appointment and he pretty immediately pinpointed what he felt was going on with the chemicals in my brain. (More on this in the next post.)
Then on Thursday, I get a call out of the blue from a family friend (the wife of a couple that took special interest in Matt and I when we were first married). Her older kids are now in high school. She said that she had really been thinking of me over the last couple of weeks and had been meaning to call. Then she began to share how she really struggled after her third child. She proceeded to offer that her teenage daughter come and help me once a week (unpaid, as a ministry) so that I could have some time to myself. I burst into tears and told her what was going on and how timely her call was.I remember thinking, "Are you kidding me, Lord? You are just too go0d. Help with my kids and I don't even have to feel guilty about spending money on babysitting!?"
So we are now at Thursday--one week from the day I sent the email asking for help. God's provision had been miraculous, immediate and met needs I didn't even think of. Within one week I had:
Looking back now, I see how I just needed to mutter the word "help." Sometimes God doesn't wait for us to call for help. He ushers in deliverance sometimes when we don't even know we need it. But other times, he's waiting--just a parent watching their toddler trying to "do-it-by-myself." He knows he could whoosh in and fix it, but he waits to be asked. And as soon as I did, an avalanche of help fell in my lap.
His help was immediate and it was detailed.
The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He DELIGHTS in every detail of this lives. Psalm. 37:25
While none of the appointments offered an quick fix--I was still depressed. My hope was renewed. God had provided the path of treatment in a very real and apparent way. There was now no doubt in my mind which appointments to make. I knew that I was supposed to pursue treatment for depression on all the fronts: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual. God had made it clear thathe had all the bases covered.
Psalm 121 A song of ascents.
I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you— the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
My Psalm 71 Journey is a blog series that journals my struggle with depression. By honestly sharing my story, I will describe the highs and lows, the encouragement, my treatment decisions and how God has met my needs--bringing His glory to my unglorious situation of depression.
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Early one evening, Matt came home to me sobbing while typing on my laptop. The kids were watching a movie and I sat typing an email to a few close friends. This is what I wrote:
1 I cry aloud to the Lord;
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
2 I pour out before him my complaint;
before him I tell my trouble.
3 When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who watch over my way.
In the path where I walk
people have hidden a snare for me.
4 Look and see, there is no one at my right hand;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.
5 I cry to you, Lord;
I say, “You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.”
6 Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
7 Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.
And so I pressed "send" and sent the email above. And somehow in that act of obedience, in that humbled cry for help not just to God but to my closest confidants, a miracle happened. God sent an army of "his righteous to gather about me" (vs 7) and to help me out of the pit.
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I grew up in the central valley of California in a rural area. There we had what we called "tooley fog." It was this low-to-the ground fog that would roll in off the fields (the tooleys). If you were driving on a country road, all of sudden you might lose complete vision of what was ahead. Growing up, we also had major foggy days. There would be days that the fog would be socked in so dense that you could barely see the house across the street.
This is what depression was for me: FOG. It seemed to roll in slowly, deceptively, mysteriously over a few weeks and then all of a sudden I found myself socked in--surrounded and blinded by it.
The day right after my garden parties, I was stuck smach in the middle of a dense Fog. It was sunny and warm and beautiful out but everything in my being was dimmed, sad.
I did all the things you are supposed to do: eating right, exercising, getting out in the sun. I was still taking a low dosage of Zoloft from my post-partum depression. Nothing worked.
Now everyone who experiences depression has different symptoms. For me, the major one was not being able to get off the couch. If you have read this blog for long or know me, you know that normally I am a pretty joyful, energetic and motivated person. I could not even motivate myself to unload the dishwasher. It was all I could do to make sandwiches for kids and get dinner on the table. I would wake up in the morning, get Anne off to school and then return to my bed or the couch, with Jack and Beth cuddled next to me. While I slumbered in and out of sleep, we would watch 6 episodes of Mr. Rodgers in a row.
I knew I wasn't being the mom I wanted to be, but I at least had enough clarity to keep them cuddled in my presence (even if I wasn't there mentally and emotionally).
I remember thinking if I can just get enough sleep, I will feel better. But no amount of sleep could restore my energy.
I had no joy. I wasn't motivated to do even the things I normally really enjoy. I was exhausted all the time--I wanted to sleep, escape. Those were the three huge signs for me: no joy, no motivation and extreme fatigue.
Then emotions took over. I would just sit and weep. In my head I would be telling myself, "Just snap out of it! Just go take a shower and get moving." But I simply couldn't.
I think this is the hardest part to describe to people who have not experienced depression. They don't get that no matter how much you tell yourself, "You need to get up" or "snap out of it" you just can't. It's quite paralyzing. It feels hopeless.
Now, one of the thing that psychiatrists and counselors always ask is "were there any triggers?" Now 18-24 months previously, yes there were definitely some triggers. I mean we all have them, right? Babies, remodeling homes, selling, moving, renting, major illnesses (Kidney infection), family stuff... However, it seemed like everything had smoothed out. No pressing house projects, no major events/incidents. My life was in a good, healthy routine. And yet internally, I felt out of control. Maybe it was when things finally settled, that the inner turmoil felt like it could come out.
Looking back, I can now answer these questions with clarity (although I couldn't in the midst of the Fog):
Was it genetic? Yes, it runs in my family.
Was if physical? Yes, I think my body was quite depleted after 3 babies.
Was it spiritual? Yes, I think Satan uses whatever weakness we have in an attempt to disable us. There is a reason people use "darkness" to describe depression and Satan.
Was it mental? Yes. I believe there is definitely chemistry in the brain and some things were out of balance.
It was the perfect storm.
Looking at the calendar now....I was really bad for about 2 weeks. (Although symptoms had been creeping in for several more.) But in the midst of it, it felt like an eternity. Matt would come home from work and ask me how my day was and I would just start sobbing. Blubbering over my simmering supper, I would tell myself, "Get over yourself! Pull it together."
I couldn't even seem to find the words to pray. Sometimes I would just turn on praise music and cry while listening to the lyrics, willing the words to reach God's ears.
I began to be very forgetful (normally I am all about the details). My thoughts were "murky," and it seemed like my thoughts weren't firing as quickly as normal. Everything was slowed--my thoughts and my body.
I thank God that I never had suicidal thoughts. I know that many do. I never once had a thought about harming myself or my children. To me, cuddling my children was one consoling joy.
Although I can't remember a one big conversation, I know Matt was expressing concern for me. He had told me he was worried. I kept reasoning that I just needed to catch up on sleep and get recharged. But the truth was I was socked in by the Fog and couldn't see two feet in front of my face.
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My Psalm 71 Journey
is a blog series that journals my struggle with depression. By honestly
sharing my story, I will describe the highs and lows, the
encouragement, my treatment decisions and how God has met my
needs--bringing His glory to my unglorious situation of depression. Part One.
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